Stages of Grief
by Vanilla-Fever
Summary: Grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. There are five basic stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Nezumi will have to go through each one to get over Shion's death. (Yaoi fanfic, Yaoi means boyxboy but this is just fluff. :3) One-Shot!


Prologue

* * *

It was our first year anniversary. I was so nervous. I had no clue if he's going to like the gift I got him. I could only hope for the best. Funny isn't it? Me. Nezumi. Nervous over the present I got my boyfriend Shion. God I was pathetic. I never gave a shit of what others thought of me, but when it came to Shion… my life depended on his opinion. Fuck. I should have just bought Shion a present like any normal person would. But no I had to write him a poem. This is idiotic, Shion would think it's stupid too. Knowing him though, he would keep his trap shut and smile. With the paper in my hand I was walking to Shion's house, which wasn't that far from mine. My phone began to buzz in my pocket. I dug it out and answered.

"Hello?" The other end of the line was muffled. As I was going to ask who this was I realized it was Karan, weeping. It was hard to understand her because of her wails but her message was made clear. My phone slipped from my grasp and it landed on the floor with an thunk.

* * *

Denial: a statement saying that something is not true or real

* * *

It wasn't possible. No, it couldn't have happen. It had to be a mistake. Still I took off running towards the hospital Karan stated she was at. Not possible. Not possible. Not possible. That's all that I kept repeating in my head. There was no way he was dead. It couldn't be from that disease. That was four years ago. he has been cured for four god damn years. I was on the verge of crying but I refused to shed a tear. Shon wasn't dead. It was all a mistake, a terrible misunderstanding. Shion promised me. He fucking _promised_. He swore that he wouldn't leave me just because everyone else did, that he would stay by my side no matter what odds we were up against. I arrived at the hospital, rushed inside and asked the nurse at the desk where they held Shion. No.6. Room. I opened the door and ushered inside. I feel my heart shatter before me. I was expecting that albino dork to be smiling at me and telling me everything was alright, but instead I met with the same albino laying lifeless on the crisp white hospital bed with his still crying mother besides him. But it wasn't possible…

* * *

Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong

* * *

"W-what?" I asked. I look at Karan, searching her face for answers. She seemed to understand what I was doing for she opened her mouth as if she were going to start explaining. But before she could, she was cut off by a doctor who followed right behind me.

"I'm sorry about your loss." He began. "But we seemed to have made a mistake. The disease your friend here had never left. We accidentally overlooked, or more like it went undetected. And seen he was off the medication the disease grew and when we found it, it was too late. Again I'm sorry." Anger consumed me as i grabbed the collar of the doctor's lab coat and I slammed him into the wall.

"Like hell you are." I spat. I glared daggers at the doctor. Tears once again threaten to spill over. "Overlooked you say? How the fuck can you can you _overlook_ something like that? It was a _mistake?_ Well that _mistake_ killed my best friend." I continued to yell at him, pierce him with my words, till Karan yelled for me to stop.

"That's enough Nezumi." She said. "Taking it out on the doctor will not bring Shion back. And we both know he would not approve of your behavior." I released the doctor and he quickly scrambled away from me. I turned back to Karan who still had tears streaming down her face.

"And what the fuck is your crying going to do?" I shot back. "Plus it isn't like Shion is here anymore. Remember? He's _dead._ " I left the room leaving Karan wide eyed. I don't even feel guilty about saying that to Shion's mother. I passed by some security guards I presumed the doctor sent to escort me out. A little late now. I exited the hospital and just… walked. To where? I don't know and right now I didn't give a shit. As I walked I began to think of Shion. God damn it Shion! It's all of your fucking fault I'm alone! To hell with promises right? But why… Why was it you and not me?

* * *

Bargaining: an advantageous purchase, especially one acquired at less than the usual cost

* * *

I don't understand why it had to be _Shion._ Why was he the one infected? Why did he get that disease? Why was he the one that had to get his chestnut hair turned white, chocolate orbs turned to a deep red shade, and let's not forget the snake like scar that wrapped around his body. Shion. All he ever did was try to make everyone happy, and do the right thing. And in the end, he died. I couldn't live with this pain. I yearned to be the one dead and not him. I wish it was I that had to suffer all the pain he endured and not him. I would do anything to have him here, alive. I would die a thousand deaths, I would cross the whole fucking world, I would go to hell and back if it meant that he would come back. Was this the universe's cruel way of getting revenge for all the bad deeds I've done to other? What a twister, horrid world.

I became familiar with my surrounding and realized where I was. West Block. It was on the outskirts of the city, mostly abandoned now. I then came across the shack we made our 'hideout' when we were younger. I wonder if we still have some things in there. I walked to the side of the house and crawled through the small window, it was the only way in. Light streamed in through the cracks in the roof and and the smell of old books filled my nostrils. To my amazement our things were still here. Books scattered everywhere, some candles here and there, and a small cot pushed against the corner of shack. A white rat scurried across the room, it paused to look at me, then continued on running. I remember a white rat here before. Shion gave him a name. Hamlet, I think. I sighed and walked over to the small cot. I sat myself down. The tears that I so desperately try to keep in, fell. With my hand covering my eyes, I sobbed.

* * *

Depression: to make sad or gloomy; lower in spirits; deject; dispirit

* * *

It's been over a month since Shion passed away I'm still a fucking mess. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about Shion and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't cry about it too. No funeral service was held, not that I would be able to go anyway. I would never be able to face Shion's mom after what I said to her. I stayed home most of the time, only going out on some rare occasions. Like work for example. I quit being an actor but I still help with the backstage process. I didn't feel beautiful enough to continue on as Eve. I've gotten thinner, I just couldn't stomach any food. Shion's death really had a big effect on my health. I never realized how dull the world was without Shion in it. Everyday seems to be getting grayer and grayer. It was hopeless. I was nothing without him. As cheesy as it sounds, I couldn't live without Shion. I sigh escaped my mouth as I leaned my head back and shut my eyes. I was exhausted. My weight wasn't the only thing I was losing, I've lost plenty of sleep this month. My mind was always occupied with Shion and how _I_ killed him. I should have been the one to notice how he was looking weaker by the day, as if all of the energy was depleted from him. All he've been wanting to do is sleep. I was so anxious for our anniversary that I became oblivious to Shion's health. I kept hoping that I would wake up from this bad dream but it was to never occur. Because this nightmare was my reality. I couldn't understand why I couldn't speed the process up and join him. Why couldn't I muster up enough courage to ended this fucked up life. I had a gun. I had the ammo. I know how to load it and shoot it. So why couldn't I aim it towards my head and pull the trigger? Every time I lifted up the pistol, it felt a million times heavier.

I heard the doorbell ring but made no effort to move. I was probably another salesman, they often came to my home. It was like there was a sign on my home, that was all lit up said 'Come To This House!' The doorbell rang two more times and I became frustrated. I forced myself up and walked over to my front door. I opened the door, ready to yell at the sales person to leave me the hell alone. To my surprise though, it was Karan. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating but no Karan was really there.

"Here." She said handing me a small box wrapped in light brown paper. "I found this in Shion's room while I was cleaning it up." I accepted the box then she also gave me a plastic bag I didn't even know she had. "I packed some pastries from the bakery for you." She explained. I looked down at what she brought me and felt guilty. Karan came out all this way to give me these things even though I was so mean to her last time we saw each other.

"Karan-"

"Don't." She cut me off. "You were just shocked about the death of Shion. I know that you would never have said that to me under any other circumstances." She gave me kind smile and she touched my cheek with her hand.

"Shion really loves you." A tear escaped her eye. "Even before you two admitted your feelings for one another I already accepted you as my son." She looked away and her hand dropped from my cheek. "I should get going now. Take care Nezumi." She turned and began to walk down the sidewalk.

"Oh but Nezumi,"She stopped walking. "I must disagree. Shion isn't dead. He's alive. In our hearts. He's only dead when we forget him." Then Karan continued on walking. My vision blurred. Tears filled my eyes and fell.

"Thank you Karan." I said even though I knew she was now too far to hear me now. I walked back inside my house and closed the door.

* * *

Acceptance: the act of accepting something or someone

* * *

I wiped away my tears and looked down at the package Karan gave me. I recognized Shion's handwriting as he scribbled 'To Nezumi' on top of it. I gave a weak smile before gently unwrapping the box. There in the box was a CD, multiple CDs actually. I took out the case that said one and put into my laptop. The movie player came up and and I press play. The video immediately began to play and it was the park. The video kept shifting and was wobbly and anyone could recognize those cherry blossom trees. The video kept zooming in on wild animals, squirrels, birds, butterflies. Then the footage turned to one of the trees. Under the tree was a boy that sort of- wait a second is that… me? The camera zoomed in on the kid and sure enough it was. The video was shaking as the camera guy, presumably Shion, ran over.

" _Are you alright?"_

" _Tch. I'm fine. Get lost."_

" _Your arm looks pretty bad you should go see a doctor."_

" _I said I'm_ fine. _Scram now."_

" _I'll help you."_

" _What?"  
_ " _It looks like you won't seek medical attention no matter what I tell you. I have a first aid kit at home. Come on!"_ Little Shion in the video grabbed my good arm and started to drag past me.

" _Are you crazy? I'm not going anywhere with yo- Ahh!"_ Past me winced at pain that shoot through my arm.

" _Don't worry. You'll be safe with me."_ The video cut off and a new one started. It was of us again, but it was probably taken a month or more later.

" _Come on Shion! Where's your sense of adventure?"_

" _My mother will kill me if she found out I am sneaking out!"_

" _Oh come on! You won't get caught!"_ The camera fell onto the grass with a thunk, but was quickly picked up again. The camera showed a face full of me then turned around and showed Shion spilling out the window. This was before Shion had the disease, for he still had the hair color and eye color he was born with.

" _Hurry up!"_ The video showed me grabbing Shion's hand and running again. The video stopped and started again at a different location. It was the hideout.

" _Isn't this illegal?"_

" _No one lives here, so I don't think so."_

" _I change my mind, I can't do this!"_

" _Oh no you don't we made it this far there's no turning back now!"_

" _But Nezumi-"_

" _Don't you trust me?"_ The video was turned back to Shion. He still looked uncertain but nodded anyway.

" _Great let's do this!"_ There was a loud smashing sound, I think it was me breaking the window.

" _Oh this is awesome!"_ The video went black. We didn't think of carrying a flashlight with us.

" _It's dark in here…"_

" _Look at this Shion! This could be our hideout!"_

" _But it doesn't look very clean… or safe…"_

" _Use your imagination Shion! This could be our hideaway somewhere we can be ourselves and not worry about the corrupted society judging us!"_

" _Hey yeah I bet-"_ The video cut off again. I actually remember that Shion forgot to charge the camera and that it died on us. Another video played and it was me holding it. Shion was perched on the hospital bed. Oh. It was that day. I knew Shion for a little over a year. We were best friends. Shion had a seizure attack and was sent to the hospital.

" _So... what happened?"_

" _I don't know. The doctors won't tell me much."_

" _How can they not fucking tell you anything? Whatever you have changed your appearance!"_

" _...Is it bad?"_

" _Huh? Uh no… I didn't mean it like that… It's just… Man what the fuck did it do to you?"_ Two men in lab coats came inside along with Karan, who at the time was a doctor too.

" _Ahh Shion, don't fret yourself. It's just a virus-"_

" _Just a virus? His hair is white and his eyes are red! It can't be just some_ virus."

" _Nezumi calm down. I know you are worried just as much as I am. But with the right medication Shion should be better in no time."_ Karan cut in. Oh man she didn't know how wrong she could be. Another video played and it was of Shion. He was looking at himself in the camera's screen. He made a couple of weird, silly faces, and messed with his new white silky hair.

" _Yo."_ Shion jumped. He turned to see past me, slipping through the window.

" _Nezumi! You scared me!"_ he whined. You heard me laugh and I plopped down on his bed. He came and laid down next to me forgetting that the camera was on.

" _So how it like being out of the hospital?"_

" _Well I don't have to consume anymore of their nasty hospital food. And I can go to the bathroom without having a nurse help me, even though I was perfectly capable of going on my own."_

" _Ha. So your mom quit being a doctor?"_

" _Yeah she says she want to stay home and take care of me."_

" _What about money?"_

" _You know that empty lot down stairs?"_

" _What about it?"_

" _We're making it into a bakery."_

" _Really? That's cool. Your mom's a good baker. I'm sure she'll be successful."_

" _Yeah…"_ It was quiet for a few minutes and then Shion decided to break the silence.

" _Nezumi, is that a new bruise on your arm?"_

" _Yeah. That bastard came home drunk again."_

" _Nezumi why don't you just switch foster parents?"_

" _Because there's a chance that I'll move far away from here."_

" _Well you always wanted to travel. So what's the problem?"_

" _Because that means I won't be able to see you anymore."_

I spent the rest of my day watching Shion's videos. There were tons. I never knew Shion loved to record so much. There were videos of us being complete idiot, some of my performances at our high school musicals, the video of me confronting Shion when he over heard the doctors saying that there has only been one cured person for this disease and the chances of him surviving were low Other ones of us just hanging out at our hideout, the one where I tell Shion that I was running away and he opened his home to me. There was the video of Shion coming with me to visit my parent's and sister's grave. Us celebrating Shion's birthday and when we found out he was cured. One were I finally kiss him and tell him I liked him. There were so many memories and he managed to capture them all.

On the very last one it looked like it was taken recently. Like before he died… Shion set up the camera and it was blurry but soon came to focus.

" _Happy Anniversary Nezumi. Thank you for sticking with me all this time."_ Then Shion disappears and it begins to play mini recaps from all the other videos only it doesn't have any sound just Shion talking.

" _Thank you for sticking up for me when I was bullied. Thank you for caring and being concerned for me. Thank you for showing me that there is so much more beyond my walls. I love you Nezumi. No matter what happens I will always love you. Remember that ok?"_ It ends with a picture that Karan took of us holding hands. The video stops and asks 'Replay?' I stared at the screen then closed the laptop. I stood up from my comfortable sofa, grabbed my keys, then head out the door. I got into my car and started the engine. I drove to the cemetery and parked. I walked to Shion's grave. I sat myself next to it and lend on his grave.

"It's funny how you thank me for everything but it really should be me thanking you. God I miss you but I know that one day I'll join you. And we will be happy." I said to him. "But don't worry I won't rush it. I let it happen naturally… Your mom's right Shion. You're not dead until I forget you. Well then, you are going to be alive for a very long time."

* * *

 **A/N: This is probably the longest one shot I've ever done. 3,258 word. Not very impressive but eh it's an accomplishment for me. :3 Oh yeah you already know that I don't own No.6 (or the cover picture, I just found that on Goggle) because if I did _Nezumi wouldn't have never fucking left._ I only own the story plot. Anywhore this story is dedicated to my best friend Esmeralda who loves this ship and thought that the Bargaining stage was 'about Nezumi going to some prostitute and try to escape reality ' XD **


End file.
